Some say his breath smells like plastic, and that he's confused by stairs. All I know is I built a Lego Stig!
For amusement, here are some other memorable introductions for Top Gear (UK)'s finest tame racing driver.
“Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves."
“Some say he’s wanted by the CIA and that he sleeps upside down like a Bat."
“Some say that he appears on high value stamps in Sweden, and that he can catch fish with his tongue."
“Some say he is illegal in 17 US states, and he blinks this way [sideways]."
“Some say he naturally faces magnetic north, and that all his legs are hydraulic.”
“Some say that his voice can only be heard by cats, and that he has two sets of knees.”
“Some say that he’s terrified of ducks, and that there’s an airport in Russia named after him.”
“Some say his skin has the texture of a dolphin’s, and that wherever you are in the world, if you turn your radio to 88.4 you can actually hear his thoughts.”
“Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish Delight.”
“Some say that his politics are terrifying, and that he once punched a horse to the ground.”
“Some say that his tears are adhesive, and that if he caught fire he’d burn for 1000 days.”
“Some say he can swim 7 lengths underwater, and he has webbed buttocks.”
“Some say that his heart is in upside down, and that his teeth glow in the dark.”
“Some say that his genitals are on upside down, and that if he could be bothered he could crack the da vinci code in 43 seconds.”
“Some say that on really warm days he sheds his skin like a snake, and that for some reason he’s allergic to the Dutch.”
“Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and that his crash helmet is modeled on Britney Spears’ head.”
“Some say he isn’t machine washable, and all his potted plants are called ‘Steve’.”
“Some say that he knows two facts about ducks and both of them are wrong. And that 61 years ago he accidentally introduced her majesty The Queen to a Greek racialist.”
“Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York, and that he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face”
“Some say that his new Christmas range of fragrances includes the great smell of ‘Wednesday’, and that he was turned down for the job of EU President because his face is just too recognizable.”
“Some say that he has to take his shoes off with an allen key, and that his new year’s resolution is to eat fewer mice.”
“Some say he once tore a goat in half, and that he is now regretting buying his new holiday home in downtown Cairo.”
“Some say that in his wallet he keeps a photograph of his wallet, and that in a recent race even he was beaten by the King’s speech.”
“Some say he doesn’t know what dogs are for, and that he recently took out a super-injunction to prevent us from revealing that he [redacted] with an enormous goat.”
“Some say that he can’t eat mashed potato for religious reasons, and that he recently received 47,000 tickets, Olympic tickets, all of them for the final of the Women’s Wrestling. ”
“Some say that he refuses to acknowledge the existence of Nottingham shire, and that he recently received a very strong email from his finance’s mother, saying its bad manners to sit at the dinner table in a helmet.”
“Some say he has 50,000 photographs of his own camera, and that 60 years ago this week, he too became a Queen.”
“Some say he contains 47% horse, and that to concentrate more on his work here he has resigned this week from his other job in Rome.”
“Some say that he breaks into people’s houses at night and leaves two mysterious extra keys in a kitchen drawer, and that as a result of buying Pirelli condoms this week, he now has seventeen children.”
... All we know is he's called the Stig!
